Belief

It seems as though in the past year God has been teaching me a lot about hardships, trust, and faith. In December, I experienced an earth-shattering situation. I was already struggling in my walk with Christ (due to my terrible attempts at keeping up a relationship with him) and this situation was literally the straw that broke the camel’s back. I went through the next few months as though I was in a fog. I knew that I needed to pray, that I needed more than anything in my life to be close to God, and to let Him take care of me, and my family’s situation. And I’ll be darned if I didn’t try. But despite all of my efforts I felt like things really weren’t clicking. But along came May, and with May came the end of the semester. Once I didn’t have classes, or four roommates (whom are all lovely), or whatever else distracting me, I was able to see clearly what I had been denying. Although I had been making these attempts at clinging to God, I still felt like I had some control over life and the situation at large. It’s laughable really. But over the summer I began to heal. I listened intently to what God was telling me, and He is continuing to change me – in ways that I never really imagined. But I started all of this off to really talk about something that completely shattered my perception of Christ the other day.

To give some background, my pastor has been preaching a series about finding your “Green Space.” Essentially this “Green Space” is the time you spend with God, and the place you get close to him. (You can go listen to the podcasts of this series at www.vcommunity.org). But the first sermon’s passage came out of Psalm 23, and the pastor really emphasized letting go, and making God the shepherd of your life. Just really trusting Him to be in control, and to lead you through life, whether you go through the green pastures, or the dark valleys.

Then last week I was just sort of randomly flipping through my Bible. I wasn’t looking for anything in particular – which I know isn’t exactly the most methodical way of studying the Bible, but I always stumble on something good and relevant so I’m not going to stop. But I came across some of Jesus’ miracles in Matthew 9. These are stories that I have heard since I was five, but a verse stuck out to me.

“Be encouraged dear woman. You are made well because you believed.” – v. 22b (NCV)

Whoa. This really struck me. My belief in Christ is what will make me well. My belief in Christ is what will lead me out of the place where I am at right now. My belief in Christ is what will give me security in my unknown future. I had a moment where I was like, “Ok God. I get it.” I kept getting slapped in the face with the concept of letting go, of giving Him control of my life. Its scary, especially for someone who is detail oriented, but its peaceful all at the same time. Its exhausting to continually fight against God for what I think is right for me. But it’s empowering to give it all up to Him. There are changes stirring inside of me, and I guarantee that if you just let go, if you just believe that He can heal you, lead you, love you – a change will happen in you too.

--Becks

I'm a published poet!

Random fact about moi: I became a published poet at the age of 7.

Yes, I know. How much of a genius could I be??

Without further ado, I give you my poem.

THE OCEAN

The fish, mermaids, crabs and seahorses

all swim in my salty waters.

All the mermaids ride the seahorses

getting away from sharks.

Dolphins play with the mermaids all day long,

while seahorses race by their sides.

The colorful fish play with everything

and I hear the sounds of my mermaids calling each other

and collecting my shells, which are my gifts to my waters.

Okay. So its not exactly Pulitzer Prize winning, but I was seven. And I really liked the Little Mermaid.

Um... no.

"SEVENTEEN MAGAZINE is not read by 17-year-olds, but by 11-year-olds who want to be 17, and who don't have wise parents."

This was tweeted by John Piper who is a great pastor and a very influential man. However, he really shouldn't tweet about teen girl magazines when he has never actually read one.

(I'm gonna insert here that "tweet" is such an awkward word. It sounds like "teat".)

I resent the statement, mostly because I am 20 and still have a subscription. (I'm letting it go, I like the fact that I can actually afford the clothes that are in there.)

The truth is that I am actually fairly impressed with a magazine that is from a secular world and the messages it gives girls. The articles about "hooking up" and sex always have stories from girls who regret making the decisions that they did. At the bottom of the sex articles there is a huge (about half a page) block that is brightly colored and tells teens why abstinence is the best option. And the last few articles about sex have actually been about "How to talk to your Mom about sex". How is that bad??? That is great! Its an awkward subject, and having a magazine give you tips from psychologists and experts on how to approach your mom is fantastic.

I could go on all day, but the truth is that over the past few years I have seen Seventeen magazine show more modest fashions, give better sex advice (namely not to do it or talk to your mom if you're thinking about it) and run articles that are helpful to girls. Yeah, maybe an 11 year old shouldn't be reading it, but that really isn't the issue here.

What is the real issue?? The real issue is that far too many young girls are reading Cosmopolitan. I myself have given in to the glossy covers, but the truth is that EVERY issue contains a plethora of sex advice, tips, activities, etc. I don't think its a fashion magazine (that section is actually rather small), nor does it give helpful relationship advice. All it talks about is sex. Now someone tell me that Seventeen is the culprit. I don't think so. I have seen girls toting Cosmopolitan from class to class since middle school. So there ya have it Mr. Piper. Go wage your war on Cosmo, and leave my Seventeen alone.

Mumps, Scabies and pooing on heads

Bonnie and I had an interesting conversation on FB chat tonight.

*********************************

Bonnie

phtoooooey

Rebecca:

LOSER

YOU ARE SITTING NEXT TO ME

the one time I am at your house you IM me

Bonnie

HAHAHAHAAHAH

10:33pm

Rebecca

but you never answer when I IM you

LAME

10:34pm

Bonnie

Yes I do...what are you talkin bout, guh?

10:51pm

Bonnie

you are very mumpy.

10:51pm

Rebecca

not as mumpy as your mumpy bum

you mumpy mumper

10:51pm

Bonnie

mumpety mump mump

10:52pm

Rebecca

I wanna hump your mumpety mump mump

10:52pm

Bonnie

excuse mump??

10:52pm

Rebecca

yo rump is mumpety mumpin

10:53pm

Bonnie

I'm mump stumped.

10:53pm

Rebecca

I'm sure you would like a stump to mump you

10:54pm

Bonnie

wha? to hump-mump me? I'll bet you'd like the mump in the mump-lump.

10:55pm

Rebecca

I'd like to hump your mump lump you mumpety piece of rump.

10:56pm

Bonnie

Let me bump my mumpy rump to your mumpety-hup stump.

*hump

*hump-stump

*disco-stick

10:57pm

Rebecca

I want your disco stick to humpety hump my mumpety mump mump

10:58pm

Bonnie

maybe you should type that to whats his face

10:58pm

Rebecca

maybe I should

then we could humpety hump with our mumpety mumps all rumpity night long

10:59pm

Bonnie

maybe you should, you MotherFump mump.

11:00pm

Rebecca

don't bring your mother into this you mumpy daughter

11:02pm

Bonnie

let's use another funny word: doiley

doily

11:03pm

Rebecca

do you wanna doily me in the doily-er

11:10pm

Bonnie

what about "scabies?"

11:10pm

Rebecca

like.... you scabies ridden babies eating scabier

11:11pm

Bonnie

eeeeww

11:11pm

Rebecca

well what did you expect??? scabies is a weird word

Bonnie

eeeeww

11:11pm

Rebecca

well what did you expect??? scabies is a weird word

11:11pm

Bonnie

use the words "and then she pooped on its head" in a sentence.

11:13pm

Bonnie

come up with a story that ends with that.

11:13pm

Rebecca

okay fine

11:13pm

Bonnie

FINE

11:13pm

Rebecca

one day there was this girl. Her name was Prunella.

11:14pm

Bonnie

ew

juicy fruit?

11:14pm

Rebecca

She met this bird who became her best friend.

They hung out everyday, and he called her Pruny.

11:14pm

Bonnie

ehurh

aww

11:14pm

Rebecca

She hated being called Pruny.

11:14pm

Bonnie

naturally

11:14pm

Rebecca

So one day she decided she was going to get him back.

11:14pm

Bonnie

whu oh

11:14pm

Rebecca

And then she pooped on his head. And started calling him Poopy.

11:15pm

Bonnie

preach it sista!

11:15pm

Rebecca

Everybody made fun of him.

And nobody ever called her Pruny again.

11:15pm

Bonnie

that is a gross story. "Pooped on his head?" that is crude.

11:15pm

Rebecca

Fin.

11:15pm

Bonnie

Ah! And the moral of the story is...?

11:15pm

Rebecca

you suggested it you crude mumpety mump

the moral is that you shouldn't give people nicknames they don't like

11:16pm

Bonnie

You are a Mump-Muppet/

a Mumpet!

11:17pm

Rebecca

YOU WISH YOU WERE A MUMPET

Muppets are cool

ones that are mumpy are awesomer

11:17pm

Bonnie

what does a mumpy muppet look like, I wonder?

11:17pm

Rebecca

like YO FAVE

oops

FACE

11:18pm

Bonnie

my fave? my favorite what?

11:18pm

Rebecca

I DON'T KNOW

I can't see

I AM CRYING

because you called me a MUMPET

I am NOT A STRUMPET

ooooh....a MUMPET STRUMPET

11:19pm

Bonnie

A STRUMUMUPPET?

11:20pm

Rebecca

MISS PIGGY

if she got mumps she would be a mumpet strumpet

11:20pm

Bonnie

indeed

very mumpy

11:20pm

Rebecca

and very.... strumpy?

11:21pm

Bonnie

what about Stumpy?

11:22pm

Rebecca

BUT IT ISN'T THE SAME AS BEING STRUMPY

11:22pm

Bonnie

stay on hold...i am getting a pic for you...so stay on hold

11:22pm

Rebecca

okay

Bonnie

http://s297.photobucket.com/albums/mm212/bew409/?action=view&current=kermit_the_frog12379633021.jpg

11:28pm

Rebecca

A MUMPET

***************************

We are strange.

Regina Spektor

So I am on a Regina kick today (if you hadn't already noticed my twitter/facebook statuses). If you haven't listened to her new album Far, you should. Its reaaaaally good. You should spring and get the deluxe edition because the bonus tracks are worth it. The two singles she's released have been "Eet" and "Laughing With" both of which are hauntingly beautiful and smartly written.

I provide youtube-age:

"Eet"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CPMIXk-ipT0

"Laughing With"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rov3pV9PsRI

Someday I will learn how to actually put the video in there. Today is not that day.

Long time no see.

Yeah yeah.... I suck at keeping up with blogging. Its not my fault. I swear.

I will give you a rundown of my summer:

-Work

-Photography class (which was actually kind of hard)

-Paolo Nutini concert (AMAZING.)

-wisdom tooth extraction on Wednesday (cute dentist makes it worth it... did I mention he's single??)

-Turning into an NPR lover. Not sure what happened after I swore I wouldn't become a pretentious indie-loving, scarf wearing liberal. But this winter I started wearing scarves. I then discovered I actually hate politics. And I shamelessly listen to Pussycat Dolls AND Andrew Bird. Not to mention all the indie films I've seen this year. I must be "evolving" as a person.

That is mostly it though. I had to work a lot to help pay for school. (Ick.)

The rest of my summer has involved my dear Bonnie as we have spent lots of time together. Not to mention all that texting back and forth. (They [the texts] have been the bright spot in my mundane office environment.) But yes.... we have had tea, watched movies, and spent a lot of time making faces at the other's musical tastes. (I still say some of the stuff she likes is the soundtrack to slitting your wrists, she still refuses to jump on the Lady Gaga bandwagon even though her music is like crack for my ears. Lady Gaga also dresses like she is on crack, but that is a different story.) So Bonnie, thank you for making my summer bearable. I can't wait for our ANTM nights during the school year. ;)

In other news:

My family crisis was semi-resolved. If my dad could find a job all would be well.

I started going to Vineyard Community Church in Marietta and I love it. First time in my life I have really looked forward to going to church, and not just cause Tattoo Guy is super cute.

I now know how to take a darn good picture. I need to hone my skills further now. Its as close to being artistic as I'm gonna get because I can't draw to save my life.

And I still haven't seen Harry Potter since all my friends are lame and saw it without me.

The end.

Soulmates

I have discovered the undeniable thread that holds me and Bonnie's friendship together:

WE LOVE GOING TO THE DENTIST. 

Haha. I have NEVER met someone who agrees with me! Most people think I am crazy. Its nice to have someone who understands... FINALLY. :)

Just proves that we are soulmates Bon. There is no escaping the truth.

I know I know.

Two posts in one day. I am procrastinating people. BUT - Kate Nash has grown on me. Mostly because of this song:

All I know is that you're so nice,
You're the nicest thing I've seen.
I wish that we could give it a go,
See if we could be something.

I wish I was your favourite girl,
I wish you thought I was the reason you are in the world.
I wish my smile was your favourite kind of smile,
I wish the way that I dressed was your favourite kind of style.

I wish you couldn't figure me out,
But you always wanna know what I was about.
I wish you'd hold my hand when I was upset,
I wish you'd never forget the look on my face when we first met.

I wish you had a favourite beauty spot that you loved secretly,
'Cos it was on a hidden bit that nobody else could see.
Basically, I wish that you loved me,
I wish that you needed me,
I wish that you knew when I said two sugars, actually I meant three.

I wish that without me your heart would break,
Yea, I wish that without me you'd be spending the rest of your nights awake.
I wish that without me you couldn't eat,
Yea, I wish I was the last thing on your mind before you went to sleep.

Look,
All i know is that you're the nicest thing I've ever seen
And I wish we could see if we could be something
Yea, I wish we could see if we could be something

Once again... so true Miss Nash. So true.

youtube linkage: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wYWv_NSBZQI

Holy Moly

So last night I was praying about two specific things. One of which has been life altering, and the other which will one day be life altering. I was praying that God help me deal with my emotions about the two things because it was hovering between extreme unhappiness for one, and too much happiness regarding the other. After praying I flipped open my Bible casually, thinking to read a little James or Romans before going to bed. Instead I found myself in Isaiah, a book I normally ignore (not really sure why). What I read there made me smile, because although I have been struggling in my faith as of late, I know that God is still revealing himself to me.

"You have been hated and left empty with no one passing through. But I will make you great from now on; you will be a place of happiness forever and ever. You will be given what you need from the nations, like a child drinking milk from its mother. Then you will know that it is I, the LORD who saves you. You will know that the Powerful One of Jacob protects you. I will bring you gold in place of bronze, silver in place of iron, bronze in place of wood, iron in place of rocks. I will change your punishment into peace, and you will be ruled by what is right." -- Isaiah 60: 15-17 (NCV)

The things I was praying about have been causes of extreme difficulty in my life and those words described how I felt about them perfectly. But God has made a promise that I will be happy again. My happiness about one situation is not undeserved, and he will make the other one right. Although the answers were not specific, it was more of a "Chill out Becks. I'm in control." 

I still don't understand how some people can claim its all coincidence. The peace that came most definitely is not.

Far Far

Oh Yael Naïm, how do you know me so well? 

Far far, there's this little girl
she was praying for something to happen to her
everyday she writes words and more words
just to spit out the thoughts that keep floating inside
and she's strong when the dreams come cos' they
take her, cover her, they are all over
the reality looks far now, but don't go

How can you stay outside?
there's a beautiful mess inside
how can you stay outside?
there's a beautiful mess inside
oh oh oh oh

Far far, there's this little girl
she was praying for something good to happen to her
from time to time there are colors and shapes
dazzling her eyes, tickling her hands
they invent her a new world with
oil skies and aquarelle rivers
but don't you run away already
please don't go oh oh

How can you stay outside?
there's a beautiful mess inside
how can you stay outside?
there's a beautiful mess inside
Take a deep breath and dive
there's a beautiful mess inside
how can you stay outside?
There's a beautiful mess
beautiful mess inside

Oh beautiful, beautiful

Far far there's this little girl
she was praying for something big to happen to her
every night she hears beautiful strange music
it's everywhere there's nowhere to hide
but if it fades she begs
"oh lord don't take it from me, don't take it"

She says, "I guess I'll have to give it birth
to give it birth
I guess, I guess I have to give it birth
I guess I have to, have to give it birth
there's a beautiful mess inside and it's everywhere

Just look at yourself now
deep inside
deeper than you ever dared
deeper than you ever dared
there's a beautiful mess inside
beautiful mess inside

Brilliant.

I finally watched...

When Harry Met Sally last night with the Bonster and Ms. Kathy. I have been wanting to see that movie again for weeks, so I was pleased to finally watch it. Its a great romantic comedy. Most of the ones these days seem to be cliché. But When Harry Met Sally is classic. I think Meg Ryan is absolutely adorable in all her quirky goodness. I still think Drew Barrymore is my favorite, but Meg may be next. 

Life has been so crazy lately. I feel like I may be actually going crazy half the time. (But as Bonnie and I discussed, crazy people don't know they're crazy. So as long as I keep thinking I'm crazy, I'm good.) It seems like my brain is being pulled in a million directions half the time, all centered around one nasty life incident. But its all good I guess. Things will calm down, and I will go back to being a less crazy version of myself.

Now I am off to actually do laundry that I have been ignoring for a week. At this point I have no clean pants so I figure I better wash some or else. *sigh*

Sha sha shaaaaa....

So I pretty much hate academics at this point. Just throwing that out there. Whoever said college was awesome failed to mention something. College SOCIALIZING is fun. Very large word that needs to be put in there.

Anywho... as of late I am enjoying the following things:

 

The Mexican band Zoé. Their music is kind of ethereal rock. Me gusta.

"I'm Not Your Boyfriend Baby" by 3oh!3. It makes me laugh for some very strange reason.

Chocolate Covered Coffee Beans. Holy. Crap. Those things are awesome. And they give you a killer caffeine buzz. (Eat about 10 and drink a cup of coffee. Hello all nighter.)

HOMEMADE Cheesecake Brownies. Yes. I made them. I melted the chocolate and everything. THEY ARE SO GOOD. I think I missed my calling in life. I really do.

www.textsfromlastnight.com Bahaha. Its great. Truly genius.

Amy & Isabelle. That was such a good book! And Elizabeth Strout just won the Pulitzer Prize for Fiction for a different novel. Looking forward to reading that too.

I am also super excited about my photography class!! I'm gonna learn how to take pretty pictures! Yayyy. :)

Seeing When Harry Met Sally again. I have a very strong desire to watch it for some very odd reason.

I am disliking strongly:

FINALS. FINALS. FINALS. FINALS. FINALS. FINALS. (Just in case you were not aware.)

Stupid boys. 

Being cold all the time. My roommates think its hot, and my room ends up being like an igloo. I have my heater on. Its sort of sad.

The pile of laundry that needs to be done. Noooooo.

That is all. For now. :)

The Beginning...

So I used to blog in high school, and I eventually fell away from it because it kept getting me in trouble. But I decided that I really don't care anymore. So now my blog will involve things I hate or love (this can include music, movies, makeup, hair products, etc.). I will also post questions that I have and my thoughts on them (i.e. why do people pick their boogers in the car? Hellooooo... I can SEE YOU STILL). 

Raves:

Cage the Elephant. Man oh man. I downloaded the song Ain't No Rest for the Wicked and I adored it. I then went in search of other songs, and I liked most of what I heard there. You should go youtube them. They're pretty sweet.

Wet 'n Wild Acapulco Glow Bronzer -- it isn't dark enough to be a bronzer, but it sure is an amazing highlighter! It makes my cheekbones pop, my Jewish nose seem slimmer, and makes me look all fresh, bright and happy. Even though I am usually not. 

Paolo Nutini - he has a new single out! The song is called Candy and his voice is as sexy as ever. He could sing the alphabet and I wouldn't really care. His voice is just so amazing and soulful that he makes everything sound profound and moving.

Half Rave/Half Rant: 

Hey Monday - I downloaded their album and I liked four songs. I was expecting a little more since they actually got really good reviews from some harsher critics. I find the lead singer's voice to be lacking and a little too girlish to keep up with any hard songs. Most of the songs sound very cookie cutter. All in all, it IS pop punk, so for what it is, its not so bad. But if I were you I'd only download How You Love Me Now, Homecoming, Run Don't Walk, and Should've Tried Harder. The whole album is only $7.99 though, so I guess you could get the whole thing in case you like more of their songs than I do. (If you hate pop and/or pop punk don't even listen to this. You will hate it.)

Rant:

Taylor Swift -- WTF? She is strange looking and has a very weak voice. She is usually out of tune and warbly when she sings live, and I just don't really get her appeal. Yes, she writes songs that every 11 - 15 year old can relate to, but who gave her a recording deal? Do they have EARS? I find that as irritating as Miley Cyrus can be, she can at least stay on pitch during a live performance. (I actually in fact secretly love Miley Cyrus, and think that if she sang songs that involved more acoustic guitar and her lower range she could be brilliant. Someone might also want to teach her proper breathing techniques... she can get nasally sometimes. Just sayin'.)

Perplexing Question:

Why did iTunes raise their prices?? This is no bueno. I do not like paying $1.29 for a song. I already steal a lot of music, and this whole $1.29 thing only makes me want to steal it more. I love Apple. I am a total Apple advocate! I own a MacBook, an iPod, and I don't think I'll ever turn back, BUT Apple has ticked me off with this whole $1.29 thing. Do you hear me Apple?! DO YOU?! Grrr.

That is all for tonight.

:)

Becks