It seems as though in the past year God has been teaching me a lot about hardships, trust, and faith. In December, I experienced an earth-shattering situation. I was already struggling in my walk with Christ (due to my terrible attempts at keeping up a relationship with him) and this situation was literally the straw that broke the camel’s back. I went through the next few months as though I was in a fog. I knew that I needed to pray, that I needed more than anything in my life to be close to God, and to let Him take care of me, and my family’s situation. And I’ll be darned if I didn’t try. But despite all of my efforts I felt like things really weren’t clicking. But along came May, and with May came the end of the semester. Once I didn’t have classes, or four roommates (whom are all lovely), or whatever else distracting me, I was able to see clearly what I had been denying. Although I had been making these attempts at clinging to God, I still felt like I had some control over life and the situation at large. It’s laughable really. But over the summer I began to heal. I listened intently to what God was telling me, and He is continuing to change me – in ways that I never really imagined. But I started all of this off to really talk about something that completely shattered my perception of Christ the other day.
To give some background, my pastor has been preaching a series about finding your “Green Space.” Essentially this “Green Space” is the time you spend with God, and the place you get close to him. (You can go listen to the podcasts of this series at www.vcommunity.org). But the first sermon’s passage came out of Psalm 23, and the pastor really emphasized letting go, and making God the shepherd of your life. Just really trusting Him to be in control, and to lead you through life, whether you go through the green pastures, or the dark valleys.
Then last week I was just sort of randomly flipping through my Bible. I wasn’t looking for anything in particular – which I know isn’t exactly the most methodical way of studying the Bible, but I always stumble on something good and relevant so I’m not going to stop. But I came across some of Jesus’ miracles in Matthew 9. These are stories that I have heard since I was five, but a verse stuck out to me.
“Be encouraged dear woman. You are made well because you believed.” – v. 22b (NCV)
Whoa. This really struck me. My belief in Christ is what will make me well. My belief in Christ is what will lead me out of the place where I am at right now. My belief in Christ is what will give me security in my unknown future. I had a moment where I was like, “Ok God. I get it.” I kept getting slapped in the face with the concept of letting go, of giving Him control of my life. Its scary, especially for someone who is detail oriented, but its peaceful all at the same time. Its exhausting to continually fight against God for what I think is right for me. But it’s empowering to give it all up to Him. There are changes stirring inside of me, and I guarantee that if you just let go, if you just believe that He can heal you, lead you, love you – a change will happen in you too.
--Becks
